Thinking ahead: Visits with the family

I wanted to talk about something that we are learning in advance of our little girl's arrival. While we are still months (months!) away from even seeing a picture of our daughter, the adoption agency and other adoptive families are helping to set our expectations now.

One particularly difficult topic is that of family visits. When our daughter first comes home, she will be very scared. She will have spent her entire life around dozens of other babies, with a completely different understanding of comfort, being held & fed by dozens of nurses, all with different sounds, smells, and different ways of showing affection (if any) for our daughter. The transition to being with one family will be very traumatic for her.

We are being told that short visits by the family are OK during the first few weeks she is with us. However, we should avoid longer visits for the first two weeks or more and we should limit all travel with our daughter. This is a little upsetting for both of us, because --of course-- we want to share our daughter with the whole family. But, the counselors know what is best (they've done this more than we have!) so we will follow their direction, at least for the first two weeks.

Also, during the first few weeks, we are not to let anyone hold the baby. She must know that her meals, diapers, and affection will come from just the two of us. This will help her with the transition. The sooner we can form a bond with her, the easier her adjustment will be. We're told this will take a few weeks. After that, she will understand that Mommy & Daddy are here, and that she is not simply being passed to another nurse who will leave her. Again, this is something that is a little confusing to us because it seems so natural to pass a baby around when family is visiting or to have someone (Grandma!) feed her or rock her, but we also know that the counselors want our baby's life to be as normal as possible, as quickly as possible. It's all about routines, I guess.

So, we plan to play this by ear. When we (finally!) bring our daughter home, we'll take it slow at first. After that, we want to reach out to our families & have them meet our little angel. :)